The Great Mugabo

According to a BBC report, despite having kept a low profile since elections three weeks ago, Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe was on bullish form on Thursday as he attended a children's birthday party in Harare.

Charlogy Online can now reveal the exclusive story behind Mr Mugabe's party appearance.

It appears that three weeks prior to the party each child who had been invited and RSVP'd, together with many thousands of other children some of whom have not yet been born or even conceived were issued with a form to choose whom they would like as the entertainer. They were to tick a box for one of the following:

a) Zimbo the Clown

b) Mashona the Magician

c) President Robert Mugabe

After the resulting votes were scrupulously counted and rechecked the people's choice was respectfully upheld and Mr Mugabe duly arrived on the due date at 3pm.

"Greetings children!" he bellowed to the assembled kids. "I am the Great Mugabo!"

"I wanted the clown," the boy whose eighth birthday it was whispered to his friend, unfortunately just loud enough to be overheard.

"CLOWN?" roared Mr Mugabe. "You wish to hand your party over to that sinister bunch of white-faced mockers? Never!" He then nodded to a group of 15-year-old war veterans with baseball bats who promptly escorted the birthday boy outside, hopefully just for a game of rounders.

The Great Mugabo then turned back to his audience. "Is anyone else here in league with the vile forces of clownialism?"

No one was.

"Do you know any magic tricks?" piped up a youngster after a slightly awkward pause.

"Do I know any magic tricks?" Mr Mugabe scoffed. "You kids don't know you're born. Okay, watch carefully. You see this ballot box...?"

Later on, The Great Mugabo would slice the birthday cake with a Chinese machete he'd ordered especially for the occasion.