Woman in Japan calls police 7,000 times in a month

From the files of Instant Noodles.... (stream this week's show online from Thursday at english.rti.org.tw).

Police in Japan have arrested a woman for making more than 7,000 nuisance calls in the course of one month, according to AFP. The 38-year-old from western Osaka made 7,177 calls during the day or night between September 14 and October 13 this year, sometimes shouting "drop dead," said a police spokesman. That works out at around 240 calls per day, let's say fifteen an hour allowing for eight hours' sleep.

The woman first called in 2005 to say she had been hit by a man, but the officer who answered her call "did not take the allegation seriously, because what she said was hard to understand."

We at Instant Noodles sympathise with both positions. I myself have seethed with rage at the heartless indifference of authority when they treat you like a rambling nutter who won't shut up. And conversely I have also worked in a call center and had to find the inner poise to deal with all those rambling nutters who won't shut up.

(phone rings)

Officer: Osaka police.

Man: Oh hello, my name is Sato. I’d like to report a break-in at my home.

Officer: What’s your address, sir?

Man: Flat 4, 29 Arata Street.

Officer: Very good, sir. We’ll have a dispatch rider with you in ten minutes.

Man: Thank you, officer. Thank you.

Officer: No problem at all, sir.

Man: One thing - can you tell me what colour the dispatch rider’s helmet will be?

Officer: The what?

Man: The helmet. The dispatch rider’s helmet.

Officer: Yes.

Man: What colour will it be?

Officer: I - I’m not sure.

Man: Well, could you find out, please?

Officer: That’s not important, is it?

Man: What’s that?

Officer: I said, it’s not important!

Man: (pause) Well, not to you, clearly! (hangs up)

Officer: Sir? Sir? Huh. (phone rings) Osaka police.

Man: Hello, I would like to report that I was speaking to an officer just now and I didn’t think he was very helpful.

Officer: Yes, I know. That was me.

Man: Oh. Right. (hangs up.)

(phone rings)

Officer: Osaka police.

Man: Hello, yes, I was speaking to an officer just now and I didn’t think he was very helpful.

Officer: Mr Sato?

Man: That’s right, how did you know?

Officer: Because I just spoke to you! I’m the only officer on the calls this evening.

Man: Oh. Right. (hangs up)

(phone rings)

Officer: Osaka police.

Man: Hello, I was speaking to an officer-

Officer: Mr Sato!

Man: Oh, hello! It’s you again!

Officer: Yes! I just told you! I’m the one answering the phone.

Man: Yes, I know, you just told me.

Officer: So why did you think it would be someone else?

Man: Well, I thought, third time lucky, you know.

Officer: So what do you want to do? Do you want to make a complaint?

Man: Well not to you, I don’t! I don’t think you’d take it seriously.

Officer: Mr Sato, please will you just wait there for our dispatch rider.

Man: Oh yes, I’ll stay here. I think I’ll have something to eat.

Officer: That’s a good idea.

Man: Think I’ll order a pizza.

Officer: Yes, you do that.

Man: Yes. Bye bye.

Officer: Bye bye. (hangs up)

(phone rings) Osaka police.

Man: Hello, yes. I’d like a large meat feast with a-

Officer: Mr Sato!

Man: Yes.

Officer: This is the police! We don’t do pizza!

Man: Oh. Right. (hangs up)

(phone rings)

Officer: Osaka police.

Man: Yes, could I have my meat feast with-

Officer: We don’t do pizza!

Man: No, but you’re sending a dispatch rider.

Officer: Yes.

Man: So he could bring it with him.

Officer: WE DON’T DO PIZZA!

Man: No, but he could stop and get one! You weren’t even going to listen to my idea.

Officer: We’re not a delivery service, Mr Sato.

Man: Well, I think you should consider it. You could be the polizza. It would save time and- (doorbell) Oh, that’s the door. I’ll call you back. (hangs up)

Officer: Thank goodness, the dispatch officer’s there. Now I’ll have some peace at last. (phone rings) Osaka police.

Man: Mr Sato here. Now, about this break-in.

Officer: Don’t tell me! Tell the officer we sent round to you!

Man: I can’t. I sent him away.

Officer: What? Why?

Man: Well, he didn’t have my pizza, did he?

Officer: I told you, we are not a delivery service!

Man: No! Indeed you are not! And frankly, sir, with that attitude, YOU NEVER WILL BE! (hangs up)

(phone rings)

Officer: Osaka police. (pause) Hello?

Man: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.

Officer: Mr Sato…

Man: No, no, it’s my fault. I’ve been under a lot of pressure. The break-in…

Officer: I understand.

Man: The whole pizza thing…

Officer: It’s not a problem.

Man: And you guys are human too, I know that. It shouldn’t always be about me.

Officer: Don’t worry about it.

Man: Sooooo…. basically I’m just calling for a chat. How are things with you?