Ode to the Credit Crunch Cat (in the Hat)

From the files of Instant Noodles.... (stream this week's show online at english.rti.org.tw).

The world may be facing financial meltdown but one loss-making Japanese railway company is back on track thanks to the popularity of a stray cat. Wearing a black cap and posing for photos with passengers, Tama is credited with boosting Wakayama Electric Railway's revenue by 10% and contributing US$10.5 million to the local economy in the last year alone.

The firm had to axe all staff at Kishi station in western Japan two years ago. But Tama stuck by her post and was rewarded with promotion to station manager. The pet mascot even has her own office, a former ticket booth.

"She never complains, even though passengers touch her all over the place. She is an amazing cat. She has patience and charisma. She is the perfect station master," said Yoshiko Yamaki, a spokeswoman for the rail company. The nine-year-old has also spawned a range of popular merchandise, including a picture book called: "Diary of Tama, the Station Master."

Tama would appear to be living proof of the Japanese belief that cats bring good luck -- she's a real-life Maneki Neko. At the start of this year Tama was also promoted to "super station master" and is now said to be the only female in the company in a managerial position.

So now here's a little poem in praise of Tama - The Credit Crunch Cat.

The mood at the railway
Was one of dismay.
They’d been in the red
For a year and a day.
With markets a-tumbling
And banks going bust,
Global recession was soon on its way.
In the boardroom the chairman,
A disconsolate figure,
Said, 'Our takings are down
While our costs have got bigger!
Our financial targets
Have not gone as planned.
From now on our stations
Must all be unmanned!'

Just then the door opened
But no one came in.
Then three of those present
Felt a rub on their shin.
They pushed back their chairs
From the place where they sat
And down at their feet
Was a tortoiseshell cat.

The board fell to murmurs,
Suspecting a joke,
But were stunned into silence
When at once the cat spoke.

'Gentlemen!' said the cat,
'I’ve been listening outside.
And I’ve thought of an option
You haven’t yet tried.
If the station’s unmanned,
It could lead to disaster.
But perhaps there is room
For a small station master?
I’ll sit in the entrance
And I’ll be your greeter.
Just give me a hat
And a box with some litter.'

'What?' said the chairman.
Has it come to that?
We hand over our station
To a cat in a hat?'
He turned to the treasurer,
Who tapped out a sum
And first raised his eyebrow
And then raised his thumb.

So it was the next morning,
In the old station yard,
That a sleek-suited feline
Trotted in, punched her card,
Unlocked the turnstile,
Got her cap nice and straight,
Drew the blind in her booth
And sat down to wait.

The day’s first commuters
Were simply aghast
To see a raised paw
Wave to them as they passed.
'I near dropped my sudoku!'
Said a chap on his way.
'I could almost have sworn
She said, Have a nice day!'
The morning wore on and the cat waved away
To every rail patron of each kind and ilk.
And after the rush-hour crowd had passed
She treated herself to a saucer of milk.

Not long after that,
News spread everywhere
That the new station master
Was covered with hair!
And they flocked from all over,
From country and city,
To trek up the line
And say Hello Kitty.

The board were delighted
And flush with good cheer
When they met up once more
At the end of the year.

'Stock prices and profits
Are all up on last quarter.
And we owe it all
To our new pussy porter!
She sweeps up the platform,
She catches the mice,
She’s got her own line
Of cat merchandise!
So now here’s a toast
To our credit crunch cat!'
The board, to a man,
Replied, 'Amen to that!'

The treasurer spoke.
'We feel the onus
To reward her good work
With a big fat cat bonus.'
The motion was carried.
Then the chairman said, 'Yet
I have something to tell you,'
(With a hint of regret).
'This cat – she’s not right
For the station, you know.
The shareholders and I
Have agreed she must go.'

All round the table
Recoiled in shock.
Fire the cat
Who had saved them from hock?
No, this was an outrage.
This wouldn’t fly!
Then the chairman went on,
With a glint in his eye.
'No, not right for the station
And gentleman, so
May I present you
Our new CEO!'

And at that the cat
Swiveled round in her chair
Like a Bond movie villain
(Except with more hair).
She stretched out her paws
On a gold cushion splayed
And took in the room,
Queen of all she surveyed.
She winked at the chairman,
Straightened her cap
With a push of her paw,
And settled down for a nap.