Pirates in a Pickle

(From this week's Instant Noodles -- RTI's weekly wrap of amusing news from the Asia-Pacific region. Listen online now at english.rti.org.tw)

South Korea's navy is deploying a new strategic weapon in the ongoing fight against Somalian pirates -- a ton of kimchi. 

The Korean national dish of spicy pickled vegetables should boost the morale of the 300 crew aboard the destroyer currently patrolling the waters off the Gulf of Aden. Until now they'd had to make do with locally-sourced kimchi, which just wasn't the same as the real thing from home. I sympathise with them wholeheartedly as I miss pork pies terribly here in Taipei. 

The new kimchi shipment should give the Korean seamen garlic-fuelled fighting spirit for a month. The effect on the pirates however remains to be seen...

Pirate Chief: A-haaargh! Looks like we hit the jackpot, boys. Should be a hefty ransom this time.

Pirate 2: Wait a minute, I smell garlic. Does anyone else smell garlic?

(general agreement -- yes I smell garlic, definitely garlic etc.)

Pirate Chief: But there's no garlic in these waters... unless...

(Loud boat horn)

Korean ship (loadhailer): Surrender the ship! We have you surrounded!

 Pirate 2: It's the Korean navy!

Pirate Chief: Dammit! Always hijack downwind, what do I keep telling you? Rule number one! We should have smelled them coming...

Korean ship: I take it you are referring to our supplies of kimchi.

Pirate Chief: Oh, is that what that is?

Korean ship: Yes. It's our national delicacy. It's made of pickled vegetables.

Pirate Chief: Well I don't much care for it, I have to say!

Korean ship: We understand it is an acquired taste. Would you like to try some?

Pirate Chief: No thank you! If I want to acquire something I'll use my rocket launcher, right boys?

(general agreement -- Haha rocket launcher yes, that's how we acquire things! etc.)

Korean ship: Well perhaps we might not care for your local food either.

Pirate Chief: No, true, that's a fair point. Well, this has been an interesting cultural exchange. Time to  saddle up, boys!

Pirate 2: What? But what about our ransom?

Pirate Chief: No deal. This ship's just carrying a consignment of sauerkraut anyway.

Pirate 2: Urgh!

(general agreement -- uuurgh! Sauerkraut! Yuck! etc.)

Pirate Chief: We're out of here. Bye bye, Korean navy!

Korean ship: Wait! Just try a little bit! You might like it!

(To listen to this week's Instant Noodles online, go to http://english.rti.org.tw and click on media player icon next to Thursday in the top left of the page. When media player starts move playback bar to approx. 25 minutes in.)