Save the Land Shark!

(Extract from this week's Instant Noodles. Hear it now online at english.rti.org.tw until May 6th.)

Victoria, Australia: Police in the town on Warrnambool are puzzled at the discovery of a Port Jackson shark deposited on the doorstep of a local newspaper in the middle of the night, though they have said they will charge the culprit with animal cruelty.

Staff at the newspaper are equally baffled, as they don't know of anyone with a vendetta against them or what kind of message was intended by leaving the 70cm shark outside their offices. Presumably no one on the paper's staff is currently sleeping with the fishes.

Constable Jarrod Dwyer came to the shark's assistance, first pouring water on it to see if it was still alive. He then borrowed a bucket from a nearby McDonald's, filled it with water and took the shark back to the sea.

We at Instant Noodles thought the race to save the little shark was a novel twist on a classic story. A story involving a local chief of police, a marine biologist and a salty old fisherman...

Chief Brody: Guys, if we don't rescue this shark, the animal rights people will be all over it. And then it's goodbye to our summer tourism.

Quint: I'll save the shark for you, chief. But it won't be easy. This shark, he's a krill eater mostly. But he can still give you a nasty nip. And I value my fingers more than three thousand bucks, chief.

Hooper: Brody, we should use my remote-activated grabber. We can scoop him up without even touching him.

Quint: Ah, you want to save your city hands with your fine expensive equipment, don't you, Mr Hooper?

Brody: Quint, be nice or you'll end up getting eaten like last time.

Quint: Don't tell me my job, chief! A McDonalds bucket's all I need. Water in the bucket. Shark goes in the bucket. Our shark. 

(Ominous music)

Brody: There he is! On the sidewalk!

Hooper: He's got to be twenty inches long.

Quint: Twenty five. Three pounds of him.

Brody: You're gonna need a bigger bucket...

Quint: Hooper! Hook me up another bucket now!

Brody: You're gonna need a bigger bucket, right?

Quint: He's got under the bucket... he's either awfully smart or awfully dumb, he's got under the bucket!

Brody: Guys, we're running out of time!

Hooper: Do you have any better ideas?

Brody: He's getting away!

Quint: He can't get away -- not with three buckets!

Brody: You're certifiable, Quint!

Hooper: How about we lead him toward the harbour instead of him leading us into the printing room?

Quint: (sings) Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies....

Brody: Right, we've lost Quint. Hooper, any ideas?

Hooper: Well, we could do what we usually do -- stick an oxygen tank in its mouth and hope for the best?

Brody: Okay!

(explosion)

Brody, Hooper: Oops.

(To listen to this week's Instant Noodles online, go to http://english.rti.org.tw and click on media player icon next to Thursday in the top left of the page. When media player starts move playback bar to approx. 25 minutes in.)