Scolari (To the Tune of 'Volare')

Scolari! (Wo-oh!)
Can't hire ye! (Oh-no-no-no!)
The leeches were swarming on you.
It's like being trapped in a zoo.

'Big Phil' Scolari is a clever man. One able to devise a system which would actually play to the strengths of the players we have rather than nullifying them, together with the confidence to make such a system work. Unfortunately, he's also clever enough to realise that if you take the England manager's job, you win a major cup immediately. A great big poisoned one.

So it's back to the original British candidates and with them the blood, sweat and tears approach that served us so well... in '66. Now forty years of hurt... forty-four probably before we ditch the next guy and have another chance to get someone good. Personally I think we missed the boat with Guus Hiddink.

Mind you, if our best players are determined to always crock themselves before or at crucial stages of major tournaments, I guess it's academic anyway. Bring back Darren 'Remarkable Recovery Every Second Summer' Anderton I say. If nothing else he had a canny sense of timing.