Stand Up for the Bureaucrats!

(From this week's Instant Noodles -- our weekly wrap of the stranger news from the Asia Pacific region. Listen online now at english.rti.org.tw)

Japan's bureaucrats have been under fire of late, with the opposition accusing them of misspending taxpayers' money. The bureaucrats blasted their critics however with a withering volley of brilliantly timed and pithy put-downs.

Or at least, they should have done. They've been spending the taxpayer's yen on getting lessons in stand-up comedy.

More than one hundred employees at the ministry of transport were recently given lessons from professional comedians, apparently in an attempt to help them communicate with their clients, other staff members and just generally lighten up a bit.

The public may not find this use of their money to be so funny. But on the other hand, they won't be able to complain that the government has no sense of humour.

Officials within the ministry of transport however are reporting an elevated level of performance anxiety during ministry briefings as Instant Noodles discovered... (harp music)

Minister: Next the junior undersecretary for transport, Mr Takaga, will make his report.

(The junior undersecretary enters to a trombone riff.)

Undersecretary: Hi, how you doing? Great to be here. So I just flew in from Osaka – and boy, are my arms tired! 

(silence)

Undersecretary: Ha.. bit of an oldie to start, there… So anyone here in the Cabinet? Yes? Kinda cramped in there, isn’t it? 

(silence)

Undersecretary: I could have been in the cabinet except for my claustrophobia. (Paper rustling.) Okay, that’s the same gag, sorry. Mind you, I saw the employment minister’s routine last night – talk about some laboured jokes!

(Silence. A slight cough.) 

Undersecretary: But seriously, anyone here from Kyoto ? The transport is in great shape there in Kyoto … you've got car shaped, bus shaped… train shaped….ah…

Minister: Mr Undersecretary, are you going anywhere with this?

Undersecretary: Well this is the transport ministry isn’t it? We can go anywhere you like!

(This joke gets a slightly more positive response, which encourages the undersecretary).

Undersecretary: Haha, yes. As long as you’ve got the budget, that is. How about those budget cuts recently, you hear about that? Turns out they’re going to scrap the Bullet Train. Yeah. Too expensive. Next month we’ll all be riding the BB Express instead. Ha.

(Silence. Someone says, "I don’t get it.")

Undersecretary: Okay. Time for the good stuff. So we commissioned a white paper last month. Came back, there was nothing on it!

(Silence)

Undersecretary: 'Cos it was a white... paper… 

(cough)

Undersecretary: No? Whew, tough committee.

Heckler: You suck! (laughs)

Undersecretary: Hey, give me a break – it’s hard being up here, you know!

Heckler: Yeah? Try sitting down here!

Undersecretary: Minister, what do you say?

Minister: Mr Undersecretary...  you're fired!  

Heckler: Hahaha! You're fired! Like that show, The Apprentice!

Minister: Thank you, counselor, that was the joke.

(Listening to Instant Noodles online couldn't be simpler. Okay, actually, it could be a lot simpler. Don't get me started. But if you are determined you may succeed if the stars are correctly aligned. Go to our website english.rti.org.tw and see the days of the week in the top left of the page. Click on one of the media player icons next to Thursday. When media player opens, move the playback bar to around twenty five minutes in.)