Rubbing Hood: Prince of Thieves
This one had me reaching for my Google as well when I first heard it - un unnamed Hollywood star, taking part in a celebrity golf tournament in Scotland in 2004, reportedly requested a special upgrade from his hotel masseuse and when this invitation was declined decided to take matters into his own hands. Last week a local court ruled that since it was all over the internet anyway, they could publically out the individual - Kevin Costner, no less.
I was delighted - Kevin Costner ranks (sorry) somewhere alongside Richard Gere and Matthew McConnaughey in my estimation. I quote Family Guy: "I haven't been this confused since the end of No Way Out... how does Kevin Costner keep getting work?"
Anyway, according to the scandalised (and sacked) hotel employee's account, after his request to touch his, er, 'Untouchables' was rebuffed, Costner whipped off his towel and 'performed a solo sex act to climax'.
Now, distasteful as this may be, since I judge most of Costner's output to be pretty much w**k in any case, the masseuse seems to be sadly unaware that she was actually privileged to be witnessing what probably ranks (sorry) as one of his better performances. If only she'd had the presence of mind to stay and offer a critique, something along the lines of: Another wooden performance, Kevin - but at least it was shorter than Wyatt Earp!
posted by Charlie @ 1:51 am
18 Comments:
'And she rebuffed his plums...!'
Charlie you don't rate our Kevin very highly, do you? I think some of Costner's performances have shown a lot of spunk!
Come again? Are you thinking of 'Field of Wet Dreams'?
you've got to be kidding, you mean he really did that?
I saw your journal through Chris. Mind if I link you? :)
For legal reasons I'd better say he is alleged to have done that! Click on the header for a link to a report in The Times.
Any friend of Chris is a friend of mine - please link away!
What about some of these Costner movies:
The Touchables
For Love Of The Palm
Sample In A Bottle
or
Spanking With Monkeys?
Or there's always 'Spirteen Days'?
Don't think "Tin Cup" needs reworking does it? Could star Costner as a man unable to adjust his...erm..protection, causing him endless problems with hilarious consequences...?
At the risk of raising the tone of this amusing thread, I actually rate Kevin Costner as a fairly decent actor PROVIDED he is armed with a decent script. The Untouchables, No Way Out, Field of Dreams, Dances with Wolves and JFK are all excellent pictures. And he is often better playing nastier characters - A Perfect World, Open Range and the hugely underrated Wyatt Earp.
However he has, like most actors, a lot of crap on his CV. He was a naff Robin Hood (no match for the peerless Errol Flynn), and when I saw Waterworld at the cinema, a heckler yelled "there's plenty more fish in the sea!" at the screen during the climactic moment when he decides to leave the woman and return to the water.
As for his alleged behaviour in real life, well, all I can say is, what a jerk.
By the way, this is Simon Dillon, but I can't remember my password or be bothered to sign up again.
You don't need a password Simon, just click "other" then type your name.
As for Costner, I thought he was a decent Robin Hood, but have seen nothing else with him in that I have enjoyed to be honest.
It is widely acknowledged that the only good thing about Robin Hood was Alan Rickman's trademark villainous sneering. Costner irritated me throughout - "Did I wrong you in a past life, Will Scarlett?" he demands, having treated said Scarlett like crap for the entire film. And sorry, was it supposed to be a surprise that he and Christian Slater turn out to be related? Given that they're the only two outlaws with American accents and salon perfect conditioned hair rather than having clumps of shit in it like everyone else. Here's a poser: if you live in the forest, does that make it easier or harder to exfoliate properly?
Well, I'll wrap this up before I start to ramble...
Hmm, I can see that there are 2 distinct factions in this acting arguement. Those that think he's quite good (possibly with good material) and those who think he's just a pile of toss! Unfortunately his more recent efforts have been very much in the latter category!
Let me place myself firmly in the latter category. I would never say Costner is "good" in Robin Hood, just that I think he raised his game to "not terrible" in that film. Chas - I think the Costner/Slater problems you mention are more to do with the scripting/casting than Costner's acting. I refute any other suggestion of him making a good film.
Think I'll stop there, I don't like to get any more critical than that and I'm in danger of doing so!
I agree entirely - it was a casting problem plain and simple. Had Costner not been cast in the movie, he would not have been rubbish in it. QED.
The Charlogy's comments' record has been broken!
(And all over Costner's '3000 Mph To Graceland'!).
It's interesting the lengths we have to stoop to (as well as the man in question) to break a record.
Well if he hadn't 'Pulled Durham' then we'd have had nothing to write home about.
My advise to you next time Mr. C is: No Whipit Out!
Genius! To 'Pull Durham' will now certainly enter the lexicon - it has a lovely personal resonance as well!
Yes, nice to have stimulated mass debate on Costner's issue. Yet here's the strange thing - the last post on Scolari attracted no comments at all - not one! Was it an inherently inferior post? Or maybe it just didn't strike the same chord with my two readers haha.
And not only has this been a mass debate but also a clever, full of puns, masterful debate. It has been incisive, witty and superior to a lot of comings and goings - basically a master debate!
That's terrible...where's me shotgun?!
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