Gambling? That's an Academic Question

(from this week's Instant Noodles, RTI's weekly take on the stranger news from the Asia Pacific region. Listen online now at english.rti.org.tw)

Hanoi: Lecturers and officials from Vietnam's Finance Academy have been arrested for allegedly gambling on cards.

People from Vietnam are very fond of gambling (AFP said it, not me) on anything from cards to cock-fighting, even though the practice is outlawed.

Eight staff from the academy -- which trains people to work in the government and private financial sector -- were caught by police playing cards in the academy parking lot with a pot of 30 million dong (US$1,667) in the middle.

The argument that the card game was in fact a demonstration of statistics and applied economics apparently cut no ice.

Here's how Instant Noodles pictured the scene at the faculty meeting of the Vietnam Finance Academy's Institute of Advanced Poker...

Professor Ngo: Okay, gentlemen! Time to ante up with your financial forecasts. Professsor Nguyen, you’re first.

Professor Nguyen: Hmm. GM files for bankruptcy… but the stronger dollar and falling stock markets push oil back under seventy dollars a barrel. Raise you fifty. Professor Tran?

Professor Tran: I’ll see your analysis… and raise you on expectations of increased third quarter export volume ahead of abolishing tariffs with China. Doctor Pham, what about you?

Doctor Pham: I’m in. Tentative signs of recovery suggest a bottoming out of the recession with consumer confidence gradually increasing. What do you say, Professor Ngo?

Ngo: Well I think in line with Marxist-Leninist principles we should take all the chips and redistribute them equally.

(Pause, then everyone bursts out laughing.)

Nguyen: Ah, that’s a good one, Ngo!

Pham: You nearly had me there!

Ngo: Ha ha ha! No, seriously, I’ll call.

Tran: Okay gentlemen, what've you got?

Nguyen: (sighs, showing cards) Just a flush more busted than the subprime mortgage market. Queen high. Tran?

Tran: (showing cards) I’ve got a pair of commodities. Pham?

Pham: (showing cards) Full house, foreign exchange reserves over futures.

Ngo: Not bad, Pham. (showing cards) Except…. for my full set of Emirates… Read ‘em and weep!

Tran: Wow! That’s an Oil Flush!

Nguyen: Ngo, you sly bugger! With a poker face like that you’ll be minister within five years!

(Enter policeman)

Police officer: What’s going on here?

Nguyen: Hello officer. This? It’s just our regular Thursday night study group.

Police officer: Then why do you have a pack of cards?

Nguyen: Oh, they’re a statistical tool to demonstrate probability, that’s all.

Police officer: And why is there a big pile of money in the middle here?

Tran: It’s a stimulus package.

Police officer: I know what you’re up to. You’re gambling! Finance academy professors – you should know better!

Nguyen: Ah officer, didn’t you know? All finance is gambling!

Police officer: Well I’m confiscating these winnings as toxic assets! And you can explain your economic theories to the judge!

Tran: Uh oh – looks like we need a bail-out…

(Listening to Instant Noodles is actually quite easy. You're just not trying hard enough. First go to RTI's English homepage: english.rti.org.tw and see the days of the week helpfully displayed in the top left of the page. Click on one of the two media player icons next to Thursday. When your media player opens, move the playback bar to around 25 minutes in. Er, and that's it. Enjoy!)