Historians generally trace the rise of Hitler and the Nazis back to the Treaty of Versailles and the crippling effect this had on Germany's economy in the 1920s. In this light it's easy to see how in the Harry Potter universe the Dark Lord Voldemort has managed to seize power not once but twice in a short fifteen-year period.
I find it hard to understand how the economy of the wizarding world is held together. By magic, would be the obvious answer. But if so, it is dark magic indeed. Wizard society is already quasi-fascist with its overbearing centralized bureaucracy and horrifically arbitrary criminal justice system. Throw into the equation an unsustainable economic model barely underpinned by slave labour in the form of house elves (thanks to Simon Dillon for pointing this out) and the stage is all set for an evil dictator to step in and take over the reins.
The majority of wizards and witches work either in the Ministry of Magic or at Hogwarts, that is to say in the civil service or education sectors. The only ones in the wizarding world who engage in any economic activity at all seem to be a minority group of small retailers operating in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. Now I severely doubt that the tax revenues from this tiny middle class could support such monolithic and costly institutions as the Ministry, Hogwarts and Azkaban.
Consequently we see why the old money of the evil pure-blood aristocracy continues to exert such a powerful influence. Why, we ask, does the Ministry continually persecute scapegoats rather than punishing truly murderous villains such as the Malfoys and the Lestranges? The answer is simple -- because they can't afford to.
Griphook the Goblin has good reason to fear a Voldemort regime. His race are the Jews of the Potter universe and Voldemort is the last in the line of a once-wealthy family brought to hardship by its own indolence. All too soon the Dark Lord will blame Goblin dominance of the banking sector and hoarding of wizard assets for the economic stagnation and the insular and culturally-ignorant wizarding community will happily follow suit. It is the Goblins who will pay the price for centuries of wizarding financial mismanagement.
Next week -- why Quidditch is the most poorly thought-out sport ever devised.
Tall Sisters and Mighty Brothers -- Get ready for the World Games!
In case you didn't know, this Thursday (July 16th) will see the start of the World Games 2009 in Kaohsiung (高雄), an eleven-day celebration of the world's top non-Olympic sports. In the next two weeks we will see the world's finest athletes take each other on in such events as Korfball, Tchoukball and Fistball (although I'm sad to see Dodgeball has missed out this time.) My own patented sport of Crazy Bowling pioneered on the august lanes of Ximen Ding, in which competitors must adopt a different handicap for each round culminating in the challenging "blindfold" stage in round ten, has been submitted for inclusion in the 2013 games, provided I set up a federation in time.
I'll be writing more on these hugely underrated sports in later posts, as soon as I work out what their rules are.
In this first post however I would like to introduce the individuals without which no international sporting event would be complete -- I refer of course to the official mascots. There are two mascots for the Kaohsiung Games and they are named Gao Mei (高妹) and Syong Ge (雄哥), each one incorporating one of the characters which form the name of the host city. (Don't blame me for the inconsistent romanization -- this is Taiwan.)
Gao Mei is a girl, her name meaning Little Sister Gao, where gao also means tall or superior and Syong Ge is a boy, his name meaning Elder Brother Syong, syong also meaning grand, mighty, possessed of stature. Lest there be any confusion as to which one is which, Gao Mei is pink and Syong Ge is blue. (Don't blame me for the hackneyed gender stereotyping -- this is Taiwan.)
To quote from the official promotional material for the games, the mascots are "in the shape of droplets, water spirits personifying Kaoshiung as a city of the sea and the sun." In appearance they are a cross between the Teletubbies and the Coneheads, each one with a golden ring around the pointy top of their head, and a little ball suspended in the air above the point.
To quote again from the official guidebook,"the spheres above their crested heads absorb solar energy – like the roof of the World Games Stadium – and illuminate both with a message of ecology and environmental protection."
On the other hand, I think they look like they got roped into playing a game of hoop-la (not a World Games event, incidentally) without being told beforehand that they were in fact the targets. But then again, this is possibly why they didn't get me to write the promotional material.
From the files of Instant Noodles, RTI's weekly wrap of the stranger news from the Asia-Pacific region...
Pigeons like these pictures: Toulouse-Lautrec and Jackson Pollock.
Japan: Researchers at Tokyo's Keio University say this week that pigeons have "advanced perceptive abilities" and can distinguish between good and bad paintings in the same way that humans do, according to AFP.
This research comes to us courtesy of the same team that previously established that pigeons can tell a Monet from a Picasso (that is to say, they can tell a blurry face from a blocky face.)
For this experiment the researchers took paintings by elementary school children which were then sorted into "good" and "bad" by a control group of teachers and other adults (presumably not including the children's parents). Over the course of a month, the pigeons were rewarded for pecking at the good pictures, to the point where they could judge paintings they had not seen before on their artistic merit.
This represents a broadening of artistic horizons for the humble pigeon. In the past their artistic tastes have been expressed largely via the targeting of statues and sculptures. Now they are ready to run their beady eye over some of the world's great masterpieces. Let us now join two pigeons as they enjoy a stroll around their favourite art museum -- the Coo-ggenheim!
(harp music dissolve)
Pigeon 1: Ah, I do so adore the work of Toulouse-Lautrec.
Pigeon 2: As do I, the Bohemian nightlife of fin-de-siecle Paris...
Pigeon 1: You really feel like you could be walking around those same filthy Montmartre streets.
Pigeon 2: Strutting around people's ankles...
Pigeon 1: Yes, and pecking up the food they drop.
Pigeon 2: So vivid.
Pigeon 1: Marvelous.
Pigeon 2: This, now! -- this is genius!
Pigeon 1: Yes indeed. Jackson Pollock.
Pigeon 2: A master.
Pigeon 1: Absolutely. So rare to find a human who appreciates the beauty of the perfect splat.
Pigeon 2: Very rare. I especially like the thickness of the plops.
Pigeon 1: Oh, I adore them all -- the thick ones, the stringy ones, the dribbly ones...
Pigeon 2: Seemingly random yet brilliantly orchestrated.
Pigeon 1: And to think he couldn't even fly!
Pigeon 2: Yes, that's the amazing thing.
Pigeon 1: For a land-based mammal to have such an eye for the trajectory, the speed of approach...
Pigeon 2: An instinctive feel for vector.
Pigeon 1: For vector, as you say. Truly sublime.
Pigeon 2: And the colours as well!
Pigeon 1: Oh yes -- I mean, to produce such diversity of colour... I can only imagine what he had to eat!
Pigeon 2: Yes, I'm not surprised he died so young...
This post is an extract from last week's edition of Instant Noodles. Listen to this week's show online now at http://english.rti.org.tw (Thursday).
(from this week's Instant Noodles, hear the full show online now at english.rti.org.tw)
India's security forces are planning a new way to bring the heat on the street -- by using the world's hottest chilli to control riots and during counter-insurgency operations, according to Reuters.
India's defence scientists say they will replace exposives in small hand grenades with bhut jolokia chillis to immobilise a person without killing him.
The bhut jolokia chilli is the world's hottest, measuring 1,000,000 units on the Scoville scale. That's at least one thousand times hotter than a common kitchen chilli. If you have ever sat next to somebody who has recently eaten a Vindaloo, you will be well aware: when one of those goes off, you're in a world of pain.
We at Instant Noodles hope that India's security forces will deploy this new weaponized chilli with restraint and not disproportionately...
(Sounds of an angry crowd chanting. The Chief of Police addresses the crowd over a loudhailer.)
Police Chief: Please disperse! If you do not return to your homes we will be forced to use our range of curry-based crowd control grenades!
(The chanting continues.)
Police Chief: Very well! You are now being sprayed with Korma sauce! This is quite mild but will leave you with a strong but not unpleasant smell of coconut! Consider this a warning!
(The chanting continues.)
Police Chief: If you do not desist we will proceed to deploy the Jalfrezi, with its rich dry sauce and added green peppers!
(The chanting continues.)
Police Chief: No, this isn't working. Sergeant, go straight to Vindaloo strength. (To crowd) This is Vindaloo! It will sting your eyes and blister your skin! It will also ensure that next time you use the lavatory you will have to light a match and announce to your roommates, "You might want to give that a few minutes!" Which will be very embarrassing for you!
(The chanting changes to cries of "Ow!" "It burns!" "Hot hot hot!" "I don't like it!" etc.)
Police Chief: Okay, that's enough! Sergeant, douse them with mango chutney and send them home.
(To listen to this week's Instant Noodles online, go to http://english.rti.org.tw and click on one of the media player icons next to Thursday in the top left of the page. When your media player opens, move the playback bar to approx. 25 minutes in.)
In case you didn't know, this Thursday (July 16th) will see the start of the World Games 2009 in Kaohsiung (高雄), an eleven-day celebration of the world's top non-Olympic sports. In the next two weeks we will see the world's finest athletes take each other on in such events as Korfball, Tchoukball and Fistball (although I'm sad to see Dodgeball has missed out this time.) My own patented sport of Crazy Bowling pioneered on the august lanes of Ximen Ding, in which competitors must adopt a different handicap for each round culminating in the challenging "blindfold" stage in round ten, has been submitted for inclusion in the 2013 games, provided I set up a federation in time.
