Charlogy Online

Monday, January 26, 2009

Cow-e-oke Classics

Taken from this week's Instant Noodles New Year of the Ox Special -- hear it online now at english.rti.org.tw

Cow-e-oke Classics for the Chinese New Year of the Ox - the Top Ten!


10. Theme From Rawhide - Blues Brothers

9. Cattle & Hum - U2

8. This Time I Know It's For Veal - Donna Summer

7. Heffer Fallen In Love - The Fine Young Herbivores

6. Bovine Romance - Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers

5. The Final Hoedown - Europe

4. Steers in Heaven - Eric Clapton

3. Oxanne - The Police

2. Steak On Me - A-Ha

1. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Cow - Starship


And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have our udders... to hear our version of the Starship classic, go to http://english.rti.org.tw and click on a media player icon next to Thursday in the top left of the page. Move playback bar to approx. 25 minutes in.

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Sunday, January 25, 2009

Grabbed by the Goondas, Prakash lets loose his bull

Taken from this week's Instant Noodles Year of the Ox Special -- hear it online now at english.rti.org.tw

This story comes to us from India, a land where the cow is held in great veneration. But it seems one mobster from Kerala has been using them for far less noble purposes. When a team of police finally caught up with an elusive criminal named Prakash, he unleashed his fighting bull on them.

Prakash is known locally as Vettukuttan, referring to his physical prowess and hobby of rearing bulls and poisonous snakes. He was wanted in several criminal cases under the Goondas Act, goondas meaning hoodlum, as in ‘goon’.

He’d been giving police the slip for some time but a four man team finally managed to catch up with him, Prakash first attacked them with a big metal bell used for adorning elephants. And as they fought back he released his fighting bull, which he had trained for jallikattu. Jallikattu in the Tamil Nadu area is a tradition of bull taming – the matadors square off against an agitated bull and have to bring it under control empty handed.

It seems however that the policemen were pretty good at jallikattu themselves as they first tamed the bull using ropes and then successfully arrested Prakash.

We're not sure why he didn't try unleashing his snakes on them at this point. Perhaps he's saving them for the trial...

Here's how Instant Noodles imagined the arrest.


Policeman 1: The game's up, Prakash! We’ve tamed your bull and there’s nowhere to run!

Policeman 2: He can't get away, sir. We've got him by the Goondas this time.

Policeman 1: Give up, Prakash! You know we've got you by the Goondas!

Prakash: Haha, not quite yet, methinks! Release the snakes!

Policeman 2: Sarge, he's released his snakes!

Policeman 1: Oh. Well, it's lucky we brought our mongoose then, isn’t it?

Policeman 2: Release the mongoose!

Prakash: Blast! Their mongoose has gone and eaten all my snakes. What else have I got? Ah yes! Release the… flamingoes?

Policeman 2: Sir, he's released his flamingoes.

Policeman 1: Okay. Not long now then.

Prakash: What are you waiting for? Attack! Don't just stand there looking pink! Get them! No! Stop flying away, you cowards! Come back here! Nooo!... Gah! All right, I'll come quietly.


To listen to this week's Instant Noodles online, go to http://english.rti.org.tw and click on a media player icon next to Thursday in the top left of the page. Move playback bar to approx. 25 minutes in.

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Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Akira Hino - Portrait of an Underwear Angler

Taken from this week's Instant Noodles -- listen to the full piece online from this Thursday Jan. 8th at english.rti.org.tw)
Two years ago on Instant Noodles we brought you the strange tale of the notorious Taipei Bra Bandit. We're back on similar ground this week with the story of Akira Hino, a 51-year-old man from Tokyo. But whereas the Bra Bandit would raid the launderettes of Taipei County to feed his panty fetish, Akira Hino prefers to do it all from home -- using a rod and line to snare his neighbours' underwear from the comfort of his balcony. 

When police finally caught up with him in September last year they found more than five hundred items of women's underwear in his home. A goodly haul, but no doubt only a small portion of the bounty he had amassed from the time he started snatching smalls at the age of 18.

Prior to his arrest, Instant Noodles was privileged to obtain this exclusive interview... 


Narrator: Akira Hino -- Portrait of an Underwear Angler. 

Akira: Now that’s a girdle there, notice the fastenings around the waist? I managed to hook that one through the eye of the fastener. And over here we have a corsage, you don’t really see these so more, but one time they were all the rage. 

Interviewer: And you caught all these yourself? 

Akira: Actually, some of them were my father’s specimens. He was the one who first taught me. In fact, that’s how he met my mother. He was hauling in a pair of knickers he’d caught and lo and behold! She was still in them. Ha ha! 

Interviewer: Quite a catch, then! 

Akira: Quite a catch indeed! Now, over here – I don’t know if you’ll have ever seen one of these before, except in certain rather exotic publications… 

Narrator: I am standing in Mr Akira’s trophy room. His catches from over thirty years of underwear angling look down from the four walls. Negligees, camisoles and petticoats have been lovingly mounted and hung up with garter belts, or jockstraps for the larger items.

Akira: I don’t display too many bras, you’ll notice.

Interviewer: No, I see that, why is that?

Akira: Well, it’s mostly small fry you get around here, A and B cups – I tend to throw those back. But I did once catch an E cup – very rare for these waters. 

Narrator: Akira bemoans the fact that his underwear catches seem to be getting smaller of late.

Akira: I mean these days it’s all thongs and g-strings, I don’t understand it. Why do people wear such skimpy underwear?

Interviewer: You prefer to hunt the larger game underwear then?

Akira: Oh yes. In fact I used to hunt whalebone corsets with a harpoon. That’s been outlawed now though of course.

Interviewer: I was going to say, you don’t see too many women wearing whalebone corsets these days.

Akira: No, they’re an endangered kind. Hunted to near extinction!

Narrator: I was then shown the jewel in the crown of Mr Akira’s collection.

Interviewer: Now that is quite remarkable. Those are bloomers?

Akira: Bloomers, yes, a six pound pair. The largest I ever caught on reel and line.

Interviewer: A marvelous specimen.

Akira: Took me forty minutes to reel ‘em in. They weren’t coming off easily, I can tell you.

Interviewer: You must be very proud.

Akira: Oh, I am. Mind, you should have seen the one that got away. A beautiful five foot petticoat, salmon pink.

Interviewer: It got away though?

Akira: Yeah. Gave me the slip.

(knock at the door)

Narrator: Just then, we are interrupted by a knock at the door. It’s the police.

Policeman: Akira Hino?

Akira: Yes? 

Policeman: We’ve had some more complaints from your neighbors about their underwear going missing.

Akira: Ah yes, I have it all in this bag here, officer. Don’t worry, it’s all washed and clean.

Policeman: It was washed and clean already, Mr Akira, that’s the problem. Your neighbors just want to be able to hang out their laundry in peace. 

Akira: What? I have to make a living, don’t I?

Narrator: I ask the police if they are able to be more accepting of Akira’s eccentricity.

Interviewer: Officer, Mr Akira claims to have a license for his underwear angling.

Policeman: Let me ask you one question, sir. Did you ever hear of a license to fish for underwear?

Interviewer: Well… I must say I haven’t, but-

Policeman: That’s because there isn’t one. They don’t exist.

Interviewer: Then how has Mr Akira been able- 

Policeman: Frankly, we’ve turned a blind eye to Mr Akira’s “angling” as much as possible. The fact is, he’s been rather overfishing his quota lately.

Interviewer: Wait. So there’s no underwear fishing license but there is such a thing as a quota? 

Policeman: Right, that’s enough questions from you, sunshine.

Narrator: There’s no doubt that Akira is one of the last of a dying breed of urban underwear anglers. Though he believes there may be other avenues to explore and is now fishing for a new angle.

Akira: There’s a whole world of things to fish for. Stamps. I could fish for stamps. Or religious pamphlets. Something like that.

Interviewer: Would it be the same? 

Akira: No, it wouldn’t have the same thrill, but… I guess there’s not much room for an old time knicker-fisher like me in this day and age.

Narrator: Akira Hino. A man who wears his heart on his sleeve… and his underwear on his wall.

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